"Girls don't have feelings..."

Karl (or Dr Fink as Moz affectionately calls him) came over to mine. I showed him my 'essentials' for our trip to jobbers. Its up there with Jobbers shopping essentials of 'Cornflour & Orange Juice' he had on a previous post...

Jobber was back at his old house so we tore over there and picked him up

Moz was joining us after his kung fu, and golds was MIA- noone could get hold of him

Karl said that Jobbers carpark was like the opening level of the Driver game on the ps1

Then in Jobbers lounge, Karl got to show off his new flares he bought off Moz for a couple of quid

I wore my bracelet the dreamy Swede Sofine gave me on holiday

as a further treat he was introduced into the world of Purple Rain. He surprised me and jobber by working out most of the plot (that took me and him about 20 viewings)

I gave him more house warming treats- my 80s female/kids tv presenter jumper

rosé wine/purple rain/flares. Karl was living the Paul Morrison dream...

The worlds worst person (or WWP™) turned up after the united game

and then on nicks arrival, he knocked jobbers can into him

Luckily he didnt touch my cowboy boots

karl tried to usurp this by using my high quality hair spray on his armpits as deodorant

The WWP (™) had to borrow a shirt from jobber, but he abandoned it cos it showed his belly when he stretched...

He plucked for an extraordinarily long blue garment. It looked 'delish'

then we went to Lloyds Bar downstairs from his pad

the fallout began in there- moz and golds both pulled out

Mac D's was the next stop- and Nick was straight into the bbq sauce on tap. two little tubs to be exact

yummy

we all got McFlurrys- I went for crunchie and regretted it- I really wanted a creme egg but panicked

Font Bar. The sign looks a bit like the inside of a swiss roll

someone couldn't be happy for Font...

somewhere around this time nick announced that 'girls don't have feelings'

I maybe wrong, it could have been sooner, but Karma soon got him and he dropped his mobile. It was also an inciteful comment for what lay ahead with my antics on the night...

Then we went to the Old Nags Head

It had karaoke...sung by matures...

and a goldfish bowl...

but the best thing about it was the names of the people on one of the paintings...

'Eneas Sweetland Dallas'

think he's the third from the right

Martyn and Sarah joined us in there. the WWP couldnt look more dangerous/upset

We got to our final destination. Touted by most in the crew as one of the best nights we've had this year

me and karl felt it was a bit cock heavy to start but it soon perked up though

Nick meanwhile was going bananas about his blue blouse

I devised a way for him to tuck it in whilst maintaining whatever dignity that man possesses...

Its an interesting look

we were like The Four Musketeers with the goal of getting as destroyed on vodka redbull as possible as opposed to defending Louis XIII.

oh, and with McDonalds belts instead of swords. and open contempt for each other instead of unity

I devised a game called 'Stack' whereby you finish your vodka redbull and then put the empty glass under another persons of your choice

the slowest drinker gets the burden of all the glasses...

most of us got punished by it. Martyn was valiant and even took a bullet for sarah. what a champ!

karl was struggling

martyn was given a side parting to make him look oh so dapper

treats

I then gave some bird who walked into my drunken radar a Blind Date style interrogation of 'whats yer name and where d'ya come from?'

She had udders. And it was her birthday as well. Which of the following did I say to her?

a) "Satisfaction not guaranteed";

b) "You're a disgrace";

c) "Where are you from?" (repeat 10 times)

d) All of the above.

I'll put the answer at the end of the blog

I then spent about a million hours in the corner. And had a million photos taken

After that I think I got bored and according to Karl made her cry. That's two girl's on two birthdays Ive made weep-. Maybe I should be Vice Captain to Nick as the Worlds Worst Person? (™)

twas also rediculously smokey

On the bus and off it, the WWP (™) had an argument with his missus. Jobber tried to help matters by singing the Portuguese National Anthem, but I derailed him by singing the (far superior) Italian one instead.

I also took a berating as far as I remember from Sarah for my disgraceful antics with the bird. Karl said to me, 'I bet you don't even know her name' to which I replied 'yeah I do, its Vanessa Cloudface'...I think I might have been on crack or something...

oh yeah, the answer is D. I said them all. I think Karma's gonna get me...