Alton Carnage

the delay in update is largely due to me being in Cornwall for my brothers stag do and Scotland for my new job

being continued 'men' of leisure, me and S decided on a trip to Alton Towers

dc had come back from his air traffic control training down in Bournemouth so joined us. He even treated us to one of his trademark emo shots. he looks emotional

the weather was toilet

we didnt do too bad considering we abandoned the RAC route planner. our mild incompetence got us through



we thought they were giving poncho's away and so called the seller over from halfway across the carpark. then he slapped us with a £5 pricetag. not literally

after this go finished, we all confided that we were watching the same teen angel in a grey top. she was a hot prospect for the future

I was hoping the jet would be sprite (at worst 7UP) but alas it was still water. I got it in my mouth

this was the best picture I could get of AIR

to capitalise on how wet we were, we went on the wettest (and quietest) ride there and didn't actually get as soaked as expected. dc announced it was his favourite ride


we scoped a fat lazy women in a poncho reading in a chair. she genuinely would need to spaces on most rides

then after some food we went to the haunted house

most of the decor wasnt scary with the aid of flash photography

its like a shoot em up through the house. S clearly spotted he was losing and claimed he was shooting the wrong things. he beat me, but not dc

S looked like an unhappy disabled man on the swings

and dc was bizarrely scared of the swings. " I dont like any ride without a harness" was his justification. So he gave us an emo pose instead


this photo is of the rollercoaster: Rita- Queen of Speed, but I missed it cos its so quick. and I'm shit

after Rita, we tore some Dino Derby in us. The child in charge of the game was a bit retarded

me and dc played

I didnt do too badly ( I was Dino 1)

then onto Hex

dreamy

it wasnt scary, just disorientating

we went on Oblivion a few times

missed opportunity no.2

submission made S go the colour of puce. dc closed his eyes so made the ride pointless for him

missed opportunities no.3

the girl got her tongue stuck on her poncho button

dc wouldnt go on this one either. It was scary, but mainly from a health & safety perspective


this was pinball wizard. I would have shown you what it looks like, but why abandon my niche?

it was the biggest queue (or as tolstoy says 'que') which was a bit odd. it even had a little game alongside the 'que' to keep people occupied

if you got a hole in one on this, you won a car

dc said it had rained so much that the go-kart track had flooded

shotgun home was decided in a game of 'find my car'. I couldnt be happy, and allowed my competitiveness to get the better of me so I found it myself

hometime

weather started to clear up when we left. It was a clear case of CBH



dc had a catnap


I got my lech on in the service station with a slavic girl

'that smells like rotting flesh!' (Heavy Weekend: 4/4)

the morning after and we went looking for scouse marc. He was nowhere to be seen-we knocked on his van and he was sleeping in the back like a gypsy

this is his toilet

everyone left bar me gilkes and pove so we had some roast chicken and banter

I wasnt enjoying the czech cheap lager everyone was on

Gilkes left it too late to get back tonite and started to shit himself that he was gonna get sacked. He was getting a lift into the airport by Liz instead

pove was a bit dead and was hoping his bro Si would pick him up. That fell apart so he boozed with us (like he needs encouraging!)

talking of dead, he gave us a good impression of Anthony H Wilson

I impressed everyone with my spanish for where is the disco, coupled with Moz's little red corvette dance

it was nice in Rammo but we were too busy boozing

we got a taxi to the Hare & Hounds

luckily no small talk was involved, otherwise I would have feigned sleep

good restaurant


much banter was had

there was a reason for this photo, but I dont remember

Gilkes kept farting. Such was the stench, that liz felt the need to move to a seperate room

it had reached mike by this time, but not the couple playing on the quizzer

I thought it smelt like death

this was the couple on the quizzer- they moved that far away from the quizzer, such was the stench

mike tried to explain that it wasnt him, I dont know if they believed him or not

poves reaction tells its own story

I used a lot of sign language this weekend-most of which made pove piss himself. this one seems to be the intercourse one

my throat was on fire all weekend so Gilkes took a photo to diagnose me

bandwagon

bromance

disco dave

as a treat I let him sport my cowboy boots. In return I had wear his pair of shitflickers

next pub

controversy

think gilkes was trying to rescue his job

we talked about religion and carnage, but tightened up shortly

darn in one!!! darn in one!!!

I stumbled down the high street for some cash

slow week at the Bury Times

chinese was bought- I got beef green peppers (ugh) and black bean sauce with extra onions

pove got sweet n sour i think