"Have we fucked?"

my last night in Manchester before I move for my new job

I picked up S and then we set off to Timperley met from mine

he treated us to some tunes by The Shins on his phone


dangerous

we met captain carnage at 8 with a special guest in tow...Ben!

we got off at Piccadilly Gardens and then wandered aimlessly around the NQ

eventually we tore into Trof

Ben regaled us with tales from the end of the world (Barrow) and S talked about his potential move to Madrid for teaching

we just had generic banter and lamented the demise of our once great partnership of grand lechery last year

Trof had about a million beers to choose from. Me and S decided to try a few out

Mr Majeika encouraged all to hit the chilli lager

it wasn't too bad, but I dont think i'd buy it out of choice

he was setting a pace that made Golds whimper

Karl turned up! he was emotional about me leaving Manchester for good. samesies!
this beer tasted exactly like every other we had that night

this was the moment that karl attacked S's green blouse

S was absolutely raging but still used it as device to chat to two women about on the next table

he was a right smug bastard when both women liked his blouse. the rest of the crew werent convinced though

Princey turned up!

as did the Jones brothers

best friends?

on the way to the Star & Garter, this maverick unveiled a swiped beer menu from the bar. thug life?

Star & Carnage

me and Ben had a good stab at the tedious pinball machine whilst the rest had idle chit chat


this man unleashed a story that could only be told by the worlds worst person and in doing so alerted a horrified bird behind him. I blame the volume of the man...

he got lambasted by her

then for some reason her spanner boyfriend joined in the mockery

like water off ducks back though

whilst all this was going on, retarded cocktails were being made

I bumped into Peter Sutcliffe. funny that he should be in a bar that is situated in the middle of Manchester's red light district...

up we went for a shark

secrets

the wheels fell off (which is to be expected)

I saw Golds chatting to these two and then realised that I had actually screwed one of them exactly this time last year when I was here with Sam and Pove. I even said to her, 'have we fucked?'

after some productive banter with both, her mate propositioned me . I engineered a quick pillage and plunder with her, only for it be derailed by the girl I had touched the year before. Ultimate CBH

Martin had a use-by-date for the next day or he went off

S had a nice-guy -until-date on his back. he was due to be awful soon so all was well

hometime

that was the last Epicly Carnage entry for Manchester before I moved to Scotland for good.

I'm thinking of renaming it Exiled Carnage...

"Just because you're not passionate about Jane Eyre, doesn't mean we can't sleep together"

the crew was 3 strong for fridays sojourn into the Northern Quarter, or the Quave as its known by some

Our journey from piccadilly gardens took us past our prom venue at school. We never really hung round each other during that time though

I took the plunge and suggested we went to a bar where I took the czech/german bird on a date. I mainly got her drunk, and my 3 date plan for eventual carnage suddenly turned into a 1 date success back at hers, although that was back in my 2nd worlds worst person days...

We also bumped into Pove, who was on a date with sparks flatmate. I felt awkward and didnt want to ruin his chances so didnt take a snap of her for the blog. I instead took a photo of this hotplate

later on we moved onto another of my date hotspots, Centros. Jobber gave us his catalogue pose, and S meanwhile sent crpytic texts to Moz who we were informed might join us after spending time with Dave Smith- it was his birthday that night.

they sold molotov cocktails, and before we left Moz text to tell us he wasnt coming out

the quave was rammed so we got into a taxi and headed to Lime. S spotted he fucked up one of his new brown shitflickers

0n the way we went past Arsenal legend Christopher Wreh's house

lime bar

once we were in, S pointed out that downstairs before 10 was free in, but after 10pm it was £3, so we acted like thrifty students and hovered downstairs for 20 odd minutes until the stamp lady was set up

however taking the flash off didnt disguise the fact that we were one of the only ones down there

me and jobber stood at the end of the bar getting our sleazes on, and made S carry the Vit G's through some crowded people just to try and capture his annoyed face on camera

luckily I'm an excellent photographer

I came back from the toilets to see some crazy mature hitting on S. One of her lines was 'Are you passionate about Jane Eyre?" but regardless of the answer, it seemed that it shouldnt stop her sleeping with him. S did what came naturally, and swerved her onto jobber

tolstoy shot

she bombarded jobber with requests to dance, but he wasnt having it. She was definately mentally ill

accidents

the evidence

reactions

me and S were hitting the gin & tonics, whilst jobber hit vodka/water chasers

going...

going...

gone

meanwhile I went to the toilet to take some tolstoy pics

theyve got some pretty urinals

I came back to see jobber was absolutely leathered, more so than I'd seen him in a long time. Whilst I was getting my sleaze on with an aussie girl upstairs, he apparently fell down the last 4 stairs going down to sublime-such was his state of pissness

we got him back to his flat and he asked me to put on Purple Rain, then wouldn't get up. So me and S did what anyone would do in that position...

we rolled him up like a sausage roll and pushed him off his bed!

he slept like that, under his darts board, all night and didnt remember anything beyond his first double vodka. Standard night out for us really...