Glasgae

the next day was spent hungover watching Nathan Barley on DVD etc

after a while we needed food (and Pove needed diesel) so we trundled off to the retail park and got a KFC. We got odd looks in there but I put it down to the locals sniffing us out as English. Then it dawned on us after we'd eaten that we managed to walk into KFC through the fire exit

we got the train into Glasgow from Prestwick town

it was absolutely hammering it down

once in the city we went to an 80's themed bar/club that my landlord Murray reccommended. It was fucking nuts

Its called the REFLEX (you didnt expect me to capture it all on the tv screen did you?)
the dancefloor had mirrors around it and more glitterballs than life itself
we stood off the dancefloor and I thought I was getting looks from some mature on it. Then Pove pointed out that I was hovering over her seat where her bag was so she was probably just thinking I was a tinker

they got pictures of Mr T SUCKA

and the Knight Rider. Unfortunately you dont get expletives from KITT at nearby punters

after an hour or two we went to Capitol to meet Mcilroy and Kyran

Kyran was tired and did a Moz on us. Turns out his early dart was because he's all loved up...
after Capitol we went off to ABC, but the queue was massive so we went to another club down the road

drinks were pretty cheap so we caned the spirits and mixers

it was rammed so we stayed near the bar like good little alcoholics when drinks are cheap

for some reason they had a crocodile protruding out of the balcony over the dancefloor

they had loads of sarky signs on the club pillars

one of them had a poster to see the Messiah

naughty

I dont whether she was applying for that position or just had her finger up

I didnt realise Aberneen were in the UEFA Cup this year

lechery

I papp'd out of the scene by mcilroy

necking

they never fail to remind you where you are in world

next day saw me sleeping in a penthouse style apartment in the city centre. It was like a greenhouse cos we were pissed and forgot to put the blinds down

I was destroyed, but luckily a bacon sarnie for me (and a cuppa tea for Pove) sorted it

me and him were debating which way Manchester was

I'm gonna say its that way

or that way

we got the bus back home cos the trains were bust. Kyran takes a small suitcase with him when he stills with Mcilroy cos he ends up for staying days on end


I had a nightshift to get to in an hours time. Pove had a four hour drive instead...

luckily I had teen angel Rosie Webster to keep me occupied on the journey

Strangers in a foreign land...

Pove came up to see me in exile

he brought me a present! reading about irrelevant local crimes brought a tear to my eye

a buxom teen at work who loves me gave me some rock from Blackpool as a present as well

I just got a new t-shirt delivered that day...its proper spicy

the weather was terrible for hitting the razz

we waited for the bus and I got ahead of myself with a decent quality photo

I'd like to say that the weather is always like this, but its not. Its normally like Manchester, but that is hardly a complement

eventually we got to Elliotts in Prestwick. Its mint and a great scope, but I got scared about cracking my camera out. I'll brave it some other time

beyond Elliotts we tore into Flanagans

its a bit like the Faulkners, but instead of being full of mentally retarded scummers from Alty, its full of nutty jocks

guess what we were on?

well Pove was, I was being a mincer

taxi

awful smalltalk was had

this place is exactly like 24 hour party square in Torremolinos- full of slappers with clubs that are not open 24 hours.

we went to Club de Mar, also known by the locals as 'Club Too Far'

I kept my flash off for fear of looking like an English bastard but managed to take some nice shots

disco dave told me some good news about his future, but I cant put it on the blog cos its a secret

JD & carnage

it just played a load of cheesy dancetunes, so me and Pove drank heavily instead and avoided dancefloor carnage. Think we were scared

one of the doorman was stood on this box frantically looking left and right in the club. I think he was just leching though



the wheels were well off for me by this stage, Pove wasnt as bad though
I flipped onto vodka straight followed by a glass of water for some reason. Never a good time to hit it when you're on your arse AND in a round system with Mr Povey

he stuck to what he was good at, that is, basically anything you put in front of him that isnt lighter fluid or meths

ordering at the bar was ace cos I couldnt understand a word they were saying due to the music. So, I just shouted at them and then shrugged my shoulders when i got a response back in a coarse Scottish accent and shouted again until I got my order

dancefloor was a bit poonshy (new word picked up) and had the odd mature knocking aboot

the music was, as they say here...pisch

so off we went to our third club of the evening for Indie carnage

this is their Carling

I got chatting to some mad bird and managed to wear her coat for half the night. Then I was getting my sleaze on, she looked over my shoulder to spot her mother giving us both dirties

so I ran off for a bit and scoped at the bar before meeting her outside again. And getting shooed off like a pest by her mother. Again.

we didnt scarper far though. Only as far as Subway

Pove was absolutely dunted and didnt know what to get so he copied me. He seems to have learnt a trick that jobber loves to pull

footlong Subway Club. No peppers though, cos they're for mincers

hometime

when we were out of the taxi we discovered what 80s disco group Shalimar had been up to- setting up a care home

Pove got a smoke on, listened to tunes and told me of his current irons in the fire

I was still so done in that I forgot to put the flash on

then I fell asleep to the sound of Karl Pilkington

(End of part one. Part two to follow soon...)