"I'm gonna kick her f*cking face right off..."

Bit of a delayed update, been busy. Honestly
So anyways, Me and golds decided to head into town early to meet jobber. We got to Timperley for half seven

Golds decided on Font, and we got off at GMex for some reason, then it dawned on us that we walked the longest route in the world. oh, and that we are both retarded for doing so.

weather was distressing. I just left my wig alone, knowing full well it would just perm anyways in the rain

we got to Font, and Golds realised at the bar that he had lost the cash he took out at Timperley. He reckons he didnt even take it out of the machine and just took his card...

for one reason or another we all fancied a bit of 5th Ave carnage, so me golds jobber bigman and moz went first to Lass O' Gowrie, then onto Overdraft to take advantage of the offers

Some quiz banter surfaced, money was won (lost)

Moz for some reason decided to buy a round of double vodka straights and waters for all and sundry. He even turned up already 'leathered'. Quelle surprise...

Im gonna say he didnt drink alcohol beyond that, but that probably isnt the case at all. He will have had one drink. Maybe.


then onto 5th ave. It was rammed and smokey

until I realised I needed to turn the flash off, and that we were the only people in there

upstairs banter?

hand holding banter?

CBH (Can't Be Happy)

my hair sort of resembled Katie Melua. But jobber's face kind of steals the scene. Its nearly a 'disgust' photo

after a while, some guy took a shine to bigman and chatted to him for ages. I have no idea what about, nor do I really want to know. But if it was something good, then bigman can always leave a comment on this post telling us about it



dancefloor. I got my sleaze on

the is the root of our groups problems...

We left after a while and jobber was just drunkenly stood beyond the coat queue, not quite queueing up. I also got a text from bigman telling me not to bring the bird I was necking outside cos he would 'kick her fucking face right off'

I didnt bring her out. I don't even remember what she looks like. Score!

Wednesday Night 5th Ave Carnage

After me and moz tanked nick and jobber on pro eves (Athletic Club 5 Everton 0) we went to the Friendship Inn pub across the road from his to watch United versus Roma

Me and Nick hit the Vitamin G's

but the wheels fell off for united

luckily nick's favourite player was brought on to try and win the game for us!

princey left us after the game, and nick made me and jobber miss the bus

fortunately jobber lives on the busiest bus route around

"I'm definately gonna do some work tomorrow"

next up was 5th ave. its been a long time since we'd stumbled into there. But first things first...a splash n dash...

double dark rum & cokes

then we hit the double vodka redbulls

it was typical 5th ave. like hillsborough...

their faces sum it up

then we went back to basecamp

but first we all got a terrible kebab from Abduls. S said the best part about it was the free chips they gave us.

For some reason there were cops outside as well

"...you've got really young legs..."

I picked jobber up from his place to avoid lateness. he called me a paedophile for taking snaps outside his house

turns out we were the first ones there. makes a change i suppose

Moz and Golds rocked up at Timperley. Moz complete with flares and camp pose

Hot on their trail was Karl.turns out dc and moz couldnt get tickets for the met.

they covered their backs by ringing the metrolink spastic hotline for golden tickets

Karl was sporting some rude holes in his slacks. think he was trying to compete with jobber over who wears the most battered clothing.

Moz managed to screw up a joke and pulled out of it after the first two words...turns out it was funnier than the joke. We discussed going the Northern Quarter but the wheels fell off when excess walking in the rain was needed. Decided upon Aqua. but then we missed the met stop for it and swung into St Peters Sq.

Font was next on the agenda. and in the direction of the umbrella girls.

dc managed to fuck the round up by getting his own in. we spotted a table with no chairs to loom around.

there was a load of gary men 'oi oi'ing it on pro eves for some reason. time was spent pissing ourselves at pictures of keith on our phones.

i got my round in and discovered two birds had infiltrated the crew. one of which looked like someone i erotic'ly touched in benidorm

"please help me i don't know how to talk to girls"

that, and the fact that kids at his school call him Mrs Morrison.

nice work moz. you're fighting off the rumours well...

i got introduced as being called 'Dreamboat' by Karl. i definately gained credibility from that.

i have no idea what either were called. one was scouse and the other indian though. the scouser appeared to have shoulderpads on the go

as golds uttered the immortal line "...you've got really young legs..." to the two birds, me, dc, jobber and mrs morrison hit the quizzer.

dc satisfied his lust for Buzzle. dont think we won anything.

the tarts went to the SugarLounge. and we decided on goin somewhere of equal stature.

then for some reason we measured our hand spans. golds won. me and jeremy beadle came last i think.

golds got berated by me and dc for derailing us all with the two birds. i took my comments back though.

he got mocked for not getting their numbers- i thought there was potential for future carnage but he didnt seem to mind.

bigman made a surprise appearance on a friday night and met us in 5th Ave. he'd be out on the razzle in alty and jumped on the bandwagon to town for some vodka redbull carnage.

putting a water bottle top on a lager bottle doesnt work. it only works in making you look like a twat.

the odd couple. a rare sighting- side by side.
its a bit like sitting a Nazi soldier next to a jew. albeit a jew who enjoys white wine spritzers...

dc got a bit pissed off that me and captain carnage went off for a scope round the top floor of 5th ave.

moz was breaking his record for staying out- he nearly hit the midnight mark but alas he disappeared into the night soon after this snap.

dancefloor carnage. and broody looks from jobber...

i got my sleaze on and necked hatface. she had some sort of bizarre strawberry necklace

we lost dc and bigman and presumed they had left. we all got our coats and golds threatened to batter the clown who was juggling upstairs

karl lost his ticket for the cloakroom

a debate was had. dc went off to the rescue.

bigman was properly tanked. and he had work in the morning. enjoy that...

dc did his kofi annan in an effort to secure the release of karls coat. the Nigerian cloak attendant was having none of it

we got told when they came back that we had to come back when its shut at 3am for his coat.

the crew split- jobber, bigman and golds got a taxi home.
me dc and karl decided to go for a curry then come back for 3

golds infuriated dc with a remark as we walked past the lass o'gowrie towards spa. so much so that dc said he was cut unless an apology was forthcoming

dc continued to vent his spleen. i was transfixed by a girl wearing a cricket jumper but i had the fear and couldnt take a picture of her.

"one vindaloo and 14 pilau rice geezer"

karl and me got chicken dansak and dc got tikka. and a lemonade the posh bastard.

back to the motherland. took forever but we got his coat.

dc wanted to batter the juggler who was juggling quite badly outside in the street.


game over