Stag Carnage Part 2

we all met up at The Old Custom House and began hitting the booze

me, Sasko, Scouse Marc and a few others went for some food at Rick Steins fish n chip shop

it was epicly busy, so instead we went somewhere quieter along the harbour and pretended we went to Steins. I thought my acting was particulary impressive- saying it was 'okay' and shugging my shoulders like a frenchman

the rest continued to have banter. We pretty much took up part of the pub

I scoped a teenangel and used a hammered Sasko as my decoy. The hot prospect knew what I was up to though, and so did her squeeze. Unfortunately Sasko didnt know what was going on, he was well and truly tatanka'd

Mr Wint and Mr Kidd

after a while me and Bagnall went off to the Ship for further carnage- Pove, Sam and Spark were around and about. Bagnall identified a mature on the dancefloor. Obviously I could have got a better photo, but I could have got a worse one right? oh...

Bagnall took my Prince symbol to a new level of eroticism

this wasn't the only pissed up bloke that Pove (aka disco dave) spoke to on the stag weekend

in fact it seemed that Padstow's answer to Bez was having an intimate moment with his ladyfriend who seemedto be going through 'the change'. Pove couldnt be happy for them so derailed the guys convo. Me and Sam spotted it and tried to drag him away, but he stated he was 'having an interesting conversation about property'

whilst Disco Dave chatted away, me and Sam recruited a slav guy with a fetching cap. I asked him if there were any slavic females in the area- he said they all worked in the restaurant opposite. Sam flashed me a look of digust as I tapped the Pole for info on where the birds were at

after a while I went back to the Old Custom House to tell the others that we had found a place with potential for late night chaos. Mike was leathered and had lost his phone so I berated him, much to the delight of my dad. Gilkes and Dessie defected whilst the others joined us later

my dad and Ged got their sleazes on to the music

geoff was loving life

me and Des cranked it up a gear and hit the double dark rum & cokes

this mature was sound- but my photography was poor so you'll have to take my word for it
the wheels were well and truly off at this stage. Whilst r kid was behaving like he was in Linekers in Blackpool, Sasko was having a David James style Indian Summer. He was still standing and his speech was almost coherent. Steve gave him the nickname 'Lazarus' because of him coming back from the dead

Bagnall unleashed his wealth shoes. they come complete with tassles (He actually woke up the next day with his jeans still rolled up, so must have spent at least 3 hours sporting that look)

' Mad' Frankie Frasier was in Padstow causing mad mayhem

sleaze (credit to whoever took the covert snap)

as the night wound up, I went for a scope and joined Sasko in some banter with two birds

it wasn't these two South Yorkshire-looking matures though

it was these two. I suggested they came back to our hotel for idle chitchat and booze

some went back to their respective hotels, others went off in the direction of a restaurant whilst the rest caused havoc in the hotel bar

Gilkes was trying to muscle in and derail me but disco dave was my drunken barrier to such tactics being employed (Unfortunately he couldnt protect me forever)

these two were having banter with a midget and a girl who looked like Niki Lauda

this man did what was expected of him and his ilk...like a true scouser he waited for the night barman to disappear out of sight and attempted to swipe a few bottles of spirits. If they're not grievin' then they're thievin'...

after some very understated groundwork, Brownhill firmly locked his down

Mike, Walsh and others returned with a number of gifts acquired from some kitchen or other. Walsh aimed for the sky and got caught with a bottle of Tabasco sauce. My treat appeared to be baby new potatoes, which were placed on my crotch. Was it symbolic? no, I think it was merely alcoholic

meanwhile Bagnall had turned into Barry White and was sweating more than life

another moment of opportunism saw the bandits pour out bitter out of the barmans shot

lechery

this man came across to me and put a partly peeled banana in my hair. I left it there and told him I wasnt happy, but Gilkes decided to rub it completely in my hair as a kind of drunken retort. I literally went 'bananas' with him and went for a shower

luckily my disappearance meant I didnt see the girl I was talking to slowly go the colour of a corpse. She looked properly dead

not as dead as these two though. Good old Lazarus kept on trucking

and so did Povey...

well sort of...

In fact he came to my room for banter until 6am and asked to stay because he was scared Gilkes might interfere with him...

(to be continued)