Stag Carnage Part 5

The morning after during checkout Pove wanted words with and r kid outside the hotel...

...turns out Disco Dave got a £50 fine for 'disturbances' last night. The matter of him climbing though his own room window probably didnt help matters, but he took the fine like a beggar

then after checkout we all went off to the beach to play cricket

Alan was umpire- he even did the counting the coins thing for the amount of balls for each over

out

my outfit didn't help my batting abilities. I ended up getting FBW- Flare Before Wicket


some people were bang into it. Steve just lay on his back cos he was so fucked



whilst the rest played cricket, a breakaway faction got some banter going

Spark talked shop with the Stag group's very own Max Farnham

I on the other hand couldnt be happy for our game and instead perved on the teenangels match

this dreamy teen was my favourite but she wasn't the greatest batter


meanwhile over on Crab Key...

Honey Ryder emerged from the sea looking for sea shells...

hometime

Walshberg on the money prowl?




Carl watched some 'erotica' on the way to the airport


wind farmage

Bagnall had a rich tan


the airport does some kind of £5 charge which angered Walshy. I was expecting an outcry from either Carl or some of the older folks but it seemed they sucked it up

the departure lounge was frigging tiny. There wasn't much to do

apart from maybe raid the Ginsters fridge

'mature'

'hired gun'

'hot prospects for the future'

I asked to sit next to Uncle Carl and Bagnall because I knew they would angle for some decent seats. They were probably needed for people less able than us but we were living the budget airline dream

the challenge was set to take a snap of the vintage air hostess

my overall fear of getting caught and the fact I couldnt use the flash didn't help the quality of the snaps


unfortunately that plan went of the window when I inadvertently reset the settings on the camera and put the flash back on...

Carl's face summed up the embarrassment of the situation as we got caught in the act

me and Bagnall laughed it off though. She looked at him when she jokingly accused us of taking a rear action shot so he must look more of a perv than me

in the midst of all this Pove was, in his words, 'a right state'

someone described this as the best shot of the holiday. For two reasons- Bagnall's head being 'the size of a pillow' and the fact that there is half of the stag in and around the photo if you click into it

County

The End

Stag Carnage Part 4

After nearly chucking on the boat I went back to my room for a cat nap and some water

as you can see, its just water. The Cornish are very literal people, maybe to avoid all the big eared boys getting the wrong end of the stick. Luckily Walsh was clear on the matter

I came back to the pub a few hours later and found everyone at Base Camp in time for United versus Spurs. Pove had already had 8 pints by 4pm

the match wasn't great

for some reason Jonathan Woodgate was watching it with us

due to my tardiness this was my view of the match. I didnt mind though, mainly because:

a) The game was absolutely toilet;
b) I was having good banter with Mike, Disco Dave and Scouse Marc; and
c) The bloke in front of me had a fetching bag

meanwhile the corpse and her buxom mate text me asking where we were and what we were up to. They tore over shortly afterwards and Walsh got some banter going with the corpse. Unfortunately we overheard her referring to him as 'Wayne'


me and Marc ditched the pub after a bit to meet up with Bagnall and Carl around the harbour

Bagnall spotted a dreamboat relaxing and so I took a covert sleaze shot. I'm sure it will look better/worse if you click into it

one of the running themes of Epicly Carnage is my Sharpe jacket. Marc became the latest member of the club

so did Bagnall in a way. His stance was more 'having a pint at a carboot' than Marc's Nautical stance

the boozing switched to the Shipwrights Inn with the older crew

Pove with his shades on was an indication of him being in a state. He was destroyed enough to be gently nudged off his seat and into an outdoor heater by Sam. Pove responded to Sam's 'aggression' by stating 'it was just rude' and a dog responded to him by barking with fright at all the goings on

Bagnall displayed his Beadle hands- they were a good inch smaller than that of a normal person

Geoff was slowly going the colour of a cricket ball. It was a wealthy tan

Walsh operated on the quizzer and got most of the older crew bang into it

after a few more in the Custom we headed to our end place the night before

I got some banter going with a teenangel

unfortunately her cockknocker boyfriend was sat next to her. He was knew what I was up to and was derailing my attempts for a bit of goosing. I hated him, he was absolute clownshoes

it got worse cos her dad was on the same table. It was a foolish shark so I abandoned ship and Pove took my place- luckily her dad was Padstow's answer to Frank Gallagher from Shameless so it was like two peas in a pod (Pove was successful with her I believe...)

this sausage fest of a table was the most Alpha thing I'd seen on the weekend. It even had two on standby on the next bench so I kept my distance

Instead I got into some banter with John about the scope on offer

Alan was chatting to these two and doing some good groundwork

mine and dessie's ears pricked up...

I brought Bagnall in for support and introduced him as being a man who 'buys low and sells high'. I asked one of the girls who was a town planner to plan me a route to the bar and get a round in but it wasnt happening. They were top girls though

the wheels were well and truly off for Gilkes. but he was still getting a lech on so tried to muscle in on the action with Des. He even moved a whole bench across to get full access but it was vetoed by the barstaff...

Niki Lauda joined the crew. He seems to have spent his retirement away from his native Austria and instead in the West Cun'ry

apparently the corpse was asking as to my whereabouts throughout the evening but I couldn't be happy for her- I was hedging my bets elsewhere. Brownhill however had safely secured his buxom beauty so could get away with a few pervy glances down her top

although she looked less like a corpse the following night, she may have smelt like one seeing as she had three vultures trying to take her apart

cornered

push...

...pull. I went back to having banter with the town planner and her mate after this pic though

fin

me, Walsh and Pove pursuaded them both to come back to our hotel bar for some repeat hotel carnage. They looked like they were about to be walked home by Peter Sutcliffe

these two weren't having it though. It was CBH territory

no matter how much crooning they got from the Annings

when we got back to our hotel Steve spoke Russian to Bagnall who replied in Dutch about parting a girls legs. Who says Brits aren't diverse?

luckily on the previous picture it said 'everyones welcome' so we brought the whole fucking world back to Gilkes & Poves room. Sasko seemed to be gettin his lech on as well

Lauda's soul destroying features meant one of the other birds had to keep her hand up to her eyes to avoid a seizure. Her midget mate kept going on about her belly to the rest of the crew, but I just stayed out of the convo and instead ate their complementary biscuits before going for some sleep carnage

Gilkes was completely naked underneath

Brownhill got involved with some text banter with the buxom one

as the party wound down, the girls were escorted back to their pads. Pove couldnt get back into his room and so had to climb through his window whilst he was getting scoped by the night porter

sweet and tender hooligans


End of Part 4...

(to be continued)