Alicarnage

The reason for the delayed update is because I've been on holiday to Alicante with Gulla, Maggie and Orders. This is a summary of the break, although I will chronicle a full nights carnage in my next entry.

I had to fly from work, which took the excitement away from going on holiday. FYI my flight was the LS879

my Jet2.com flight was full of fat scouse bastards thinking they were 'jokers'. They were stomping up and down the aisles crackin 'jokes' like the 'loveable scousers' they are. I was naturally going nuts, and probably wouldn't have been bothered if the plane was fell from the sky

In between going nuts and trying to lower my blood pressure I listened to The Smiths and amused myself with pictures on my Ipod (even you make an appearance on this Moz)



on arrival Alicante just seemed to consist of cranes in candy cane colouring. There was no Immigration on passport control either (quelle surprise)


turned out we were staying in a villa in the middle of some sort of retirement village. There was no carnage to be seen or had really

Ricey's brother Orders made his debut on the blog in my trademark Sharpe jacket. He seemed to be quite photogenic compared to people I normally capture like S...


we made our way out to the local pubs. But we went the long way about it

before we even got started Gulla and Orders were arguing where we were in Spain. I argued that they should just use the setting of the Sun as an indicator but it seemed to go on for ages


eventually we sank our first drinks. I tried to get Orders to look 'dangerous' but he went aggressive instead

He made up for that by posing circa 1905 with a pint of Vitamin G. Shame they didn't have flatscreen TV's in that era

the first few photos set a precedent in that from then on we rarely smiled on our holiday pics. It was like a large collection of passport photos (I realise that this photo isnt the best example)

another running gag was that we tried to speak Italian/German/French to everyone rather than Spanish. Mainly because we were retarded and I was the most proficient at spanish, which says a lot. Luckily these three sleazes were French

lecher

"hmm...dreams"


we tore into some proper ingerlish bar where we looked out of place. We tried to ingratiate ourselves by getting some karaoke into us but they couldn't be happy for us. They even sang Loveshack which caused part of my soul to perish

our walk home involved a long stretch of road. This took us hours to walk along because we became some sort of drama company that goes around schools. However instead of touching on issues that such drama company's would produce, we instead leaned upon drunken plots drawing from the works of such illuminaries as Peter Sutcliffe and Rose West. I have videos of such 'art pieces' if you want me to put them onto the blog. Some choice quotes were 'You'll never have my anus" and "Seriously mate I would finger f*ck her to death"

empty club carnage

spot the lizard...(click to zoom)

on a couple of nights we hit a bar called Air which mascaraded as a bar when in fact it was a glorified brothel with ex-FSB agents working the doors

for some reason it was full of slavic women dressed like it was the year 2Unlimited had just hit the music scene. The place used to be empty yet four bored looking eastern europeans used to just dance in tandem. You can spot one in the background with a big buckle and probably STI's seaping out onto her barstool

on other days I seem to spend a lot of time shielding my eyes from Orders insessant nudity and lack of inhibitions

birthday treats

I got given two chinese worry balls as a present

some girl who Gulla had boned called frenchy joined us that night. It turns out she was a total cock knocker and a passive agressive bitch. She's on the left, the other girl was labelled 'Alpha Jock' by me and Orders and she was nearly as bad. My birthday night out was drowned out with excessive drinking of vodka/water chasers on my lonesome

the night got better when me and Orders met these two dreamboats during our wait for the taxi. the one with black hair loved me but was held back by her cock blocking mate. I managed to get my sleaze on by using 'guapa!' and 'bella diablo' but alas it was fruitless

these lot hit the beach on most days

this was my view most days whilst they were frolicking in the sea

this was the closest I got. Everyone knows the sea is for queers- thats why sailors are considered homo's

I used to sink Cerveza after Cerveza with reckless abandon whilst listening to Tim Buckley, Tiesto and The Smiths

Alicante at night had fireworks but my photography made it look more like Tel Aviv

this shop used to sum up my nights out on the razzle dazzle, but now I'm on a drought. I'm staring into the abyss...
pervert photography encouraged by Orders (I'm encroaching into EpiclyTolstoys territory here)

Orders brought his mum along but she had seen better days

special needs

our last embrace before we went our seperate ways. Gulla is soon to be living in Oz for 2 years. Good Luck Gulla!

This queue to check-in didnt move from here for 90 minutes. Luckily I had Spinvis to listen to calm me down