"Just because you're not passionate about Jane Eyre, doesn't mean we can't sleep together"

the crew was 3 strong for fridays sojourn into the Northern Quarter, or the Quave as its known by some

Our journey from piccadilly gardens took us past our prom venue at school. We never really hung round each other during that time though

I took the plunge and suggested we went to a bar where I took the czech/german bird on a date. I mainly got her drunk, and my 3 date plan for eventual carnage suddenly turned into a 1 date success back at hers, although that was back in my 2nd worlds worst person days...

We also bumped into Pove, who was on a date with sparks flatmate. I felt awkward and didnt want to ruin his chances so didnt take a snap of her for the blog. I instead took a photo of this hotplate

later on we moved onto another of my date hotspots, Centros. Jobber gave us his catalogue pose, and S meanwhile sent crpytic texts to Moz who we were informed might join us after spending time with Dave Smith- it was his birthday that night.

they sold molotov cocktails, and before we left Moz text to tell us he wasnt coming out

the quave was rammed so we got into a taxi and headed to Lime. S spotted he fucked up one of his new brown shitflickers

0n the way we went past Arsenal legend Christopher Wreh's house

lime bar

once we were in, S pointed out that downstairs before 10 was free in, but after 10pm it was £3, so we acted like thrifty students and hovered downstairs for 20 odd minutes until the stamp lady was set up

however taking the flash off didnt disguise the fact that we were one of the only ones down there

me and jobber stood at the end of the bar getting our sleazes on, and made S carry the Vit G's through some crowded people just to try and capture his annoyed face on camera

luckily I'm an excellent photographer

I came back from the toilets to see some crazy mature hitting on S. One of her lines was 'Are you passionate about Jane Eyre?" but regardless of the answer, it seemed that it shouldnt stop her sleeping with him. S did what came naturally, and swerved her onto jobber

tolstoy shot

she bombarded jobber with requests to dance, but he wasnt having it. She was definately mentally ill

accidents

the evidence

reactions

me and S were hitting the gin & tonics, whilst jobber hit vodka/water chasers

going...

going...

gone

meanwhile I went to the toilet to take some tolstoy pics

theyve got some pretty urinals

I came back to see jobber was absolutely leathered, more so than I'd seen him in a long time. Whilst I was getting my sleaze on with an aussie girl upstairs, he apparently fell down the last 4 stairs going down to sublime-such was his state of pissness

we got him back to his flat and he asked me to put on Purple Rain, then wouldn't get up. So me and S did what anyone would do in that position...

we rolled him up like a sausage roll and pushed him off his bed!

he slept like that, under his darts board, all night and didnt remember anything beyond his first double vodka. Standard night out for us really...

"I Smell of Children"

An early start was planned, and Hale was where it began. Moz was going to join us later but said he was too lazy.Golds whipped out his knickers before a pint had been ordered in the Midland

We played a game of tactics for a bit. I said the other day that Golds 'smelt of numbers' cos he's an auditor. To put me off my game, I got told that I smelt of Immigrants, but S announced that he smelt of children...

check out them guns

Golds was pretty rubbish, but managed to win it when the rest of us got stuck on the bull

a few pints later, and we went to get some food. Golds refused to go Canadian Grill or eat anything fast-food, and wanted a sit down meal instead

whilst we waited for our curry's, Karl did some black magic on Golds

Golds couldn't open his hand after Karl had fondled it

Chicken Dansak carnage

I got screwed on the bill, and ended up paying £20 for a low quality curry


So we got the train from Hale into Piccadilly and Golds prodded me for half the journey like a schoolboy

we met up with bigman and jobber in Piccadilly Gardens then went straight to TV21- some bar/club that Bigman had suggested

it was kinda like Fab Cafe but better, and with windows. oh, and with the Predator

sleazy perv blinds

this was the start of their blossoming romance, but karl refused to do tongues


me S and Karl hit the G's, but Golds opted out of it all

we went from this...

to this...

moves were made to leave, although I was happy where we were. Guess where we went?

42's!!

karl had a couple of sexies on standby, but they went to Sub Space. Maybe we should have gone there...


instead we made do with what was on offer...

this stuff always helps things

I lost my seat and so tried to get a sleaze on with the girl on the right. Unfortunately I was getting cock blocked by the one in the middle. I don't know why I didnt just sit on the other side of the couch


bigman was sporting a killer t-shirt, Dog The Bounty Hunter.

dancefloor mix up

tolstoy perv shot. it was accidental though, I was trying to capture S's bosoms

I spotted leanne from work dancing with someone she should'nt have. Especially seeing as her fella was on nights...tut tut

bigman seemed to be mimicking Jordie LaForge, the blind guy in Star Trek

I can't remember what songs were played. But I didnt know you could wear a baseball cap in there. Its a niche market

drunken tears

drunken naps

taxi naps. Luckily bigman missed more bromance in the taxi. Me and S weren't so lucky...

S had a feast to help him get over it all and I sent an acerbic text to Moz for his lack of attendance

fin

"Same again please?"

On friday I drove to S's house. Outside was a fire engine. I thought him or bigmike had caused a chip-pan fire or something
turns out that it wasn't a fire, but was the transport for the welly road prom. Everyone knows that Limos are for queers

S brought snacks for the car journey to fallowfield. and karl rang up to pull out the nights proceedings
S took a picture of Altrincham's answer to the Eiffel Tower whilst I got my stuff together for the weekend
Team Changed Men

on arrival at jobbers, him and his bro were playing on the Wii. Bowling to be exact. We had a few goes on that, then headed out

before we went, we needed to work out where Club South was, because everytime we look for it, it takes us ages and then we give up and go to 42's instead.

me and S hadn't eaten much so we nipped into Sainsburys. S couldn't decide what to have, but eventually plucked for a wrap

I went for sushi rolls, but that was a huge mistake

sushi in a restaurant yes. Sushi on a bus no...

S mocked me for it

S is such a changed man that he treated jobber to a packet of premier league stickers. It was like 1995 all over again...

it was an excellent selection. Kieron Courtney Dyer...

Matty John Taylor

Adrianus "Arjan" de Zeeuw

Alan Ross Farley Stubbs

and last but not least...Emile Ivanhoe Heskey

eventually we got off the bus at St Peters square. But it was pissing it down and we had to trek to deansgate

there was no way I was allowing my locks to curl up like a little girl so I put my coat over my head. Like a little girl.

I had the last laugh because those two were drenched by the time we got to the Ape & Apple

we got involved in some quizzer carnage, but it was the shittest quiz machine in the world. It had games that would have been embarrassing on the old Spectrum

Club South. We got in early, and it was a fiver in.

I panicked at the bar and ordered warm cans of XXXX. It was erm, dreamy?

after a while we abandoned them and went onto our staple diet of vodka straight/water chasers

a 20 minute gap was decided between each shot. But the wheels soon fell off that idea

it started to fill up, and in the meantime S had an argument with his missus on the phone

ukraine

I screwed up my vodka shot

and had a bit of a stroke for a couple of minutes. there were many tears

S followed up a round after jobber, and said to the barmaid "same again please" however it was a completely different girl to the one who served jobber so he looked like a bit of a spazz

None of us really remember too much towards the end of the night. But I approached a bird on behalf of jobber who S insisted on him sleazing into. She turned out to be a bit nuts from what I can recall

taxi banter saw S unleash the theme tune to gummy bears on his mobile. To say it was a surprise would be an understatement. A bit like saying that S is loud

we went to Al-Bilal for some curry carnage

I was a bit mortal'd but managed to avoid passing out/throwing up. I'm a changed man don't forget

football legend Mark Bright was in town also. Al-Bilal was obviously too good for him though

I disappeared outside after finishing my curry and had a chat to r kid about our respective nights. Neither of can remember what was said, although it was a 10 minute long phonecall so I may have just pulled that expression for its duration

back to jobbers, and S smoothed things over with his missus

and I ate candy floss whilst watching my Prince DVD with jobber

THE END

Hale banter #2

Sorry for the delay in update. If I'm being honest, I did chronicle the last two weeks of carnage, but the first night was a carbon copy of every other night in 42nd Street, and last friday's Smith's Night went a bit wrong. I only took 4 photos and I woke up on jobber's bathroom floor at 6am. Not good...


Anyways, back to reality. I've taken some leave to do fuck all with. I'm moving to Glasgow soon so I've gotta use up all my time off

So basically the past few days have been spent getting Alty into the Premiership on Football Manager. Oh, and other things, like watching The Thick of It, Maid Marion, Purple Rain etc

Luckily golds was ready to rescue me from my 'soul searching' and picked me up in his fiesta for some banter in Hale

But before I left, I thought that seeing as I've encroached into http://EpiclyTolstoy.blogspot.com territory, I may as well go the whole hog and mimick his whole mirror thing that he likes to do on every post before he goes out

S was in the car with us, and we spotted a fat man in a kind of dress. I tried to capture him, but panicked and got my leg instead

Golds told us that he tried to rope Bigman into proceedings but his excuse was he would never finish his tea by 8pm so he wouldnt come. For some reason the Botting's and the Jones' eat late like spaniards

golds diced death by trying to pose and drive at the same time. He is that vain
S gave us his boyband pose in front of Hale Railway Crossing
we went the cheshire midland first. Me and S thought the barmaid was slavic due to her dress sense, but it turns out she was just a badly dressed english barmaid

they were really fizzy pints as well.
Golds was telling S how he's looking into a holiday to Kos in August. Turns out that S is going that exact same time with his missus, so they were both trying to ensure Golds books the same place as S in Kos. I'm sure his girlfriend will be delighted.

Golds was also giddy about going to see some birds with paul for carnage this weekend. He regaled us with his funny story in London with a japanese bird in some bushes. I wouldn't be surprised if its on crimewatch next month

after a couple, we mooched over to the Railway

I didn't think it was that late when we went there, so I'm gonna say the clock is retarded

a bit like the guy in the blue shirt, who's dress sense was a bit retarded.
Moccasins? White stay-pressed action slacks? Slacks too high? Its a look that says I mean business

We had stumbled upon a bbq, but two hours late. S didn't even bat an eyelid. He is a changed man!

there was a quiz on, so we had to go in the scary Vault. I imagine jobber was watching this in Fallofield

some quiz machine carnage. We didn't play Every Loser Wins though. maybe it stars Nick Berry?

scratchings

mine looked a bit like cat shit


more fizzy pints

That clock says 22:45 ish, so unless we've gone back in time, then that other clock is gotta be wrong (or I'm an idiot)

on our final pint, S spoke to jobber about arrangements for friday night. The met is down, so we discussed crashing at his. Hopefully this time I won't be woken by his brother on their bathroom floor again

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