'I quite like the girl with the disabled face and broad shoulders'

This is likely to be the last entry in a while. I'm considering renaming it Epicly Hiatus or Exiled Carnage

so on my return from Scotland I tore round to jobbers flat before hitting town. Moz joined us in his latest ensemble

he was drinking a bottle of fosters with a citrus twist. It tasted of lies

his footwear was a joy though. The boot material felt like vulcanized rubber and had a feminine heel to it. They were definately mens boots though. definately.

after a couple of beers and light banter we got the bus from Fallowfield into Piccadilly Sq before nine o'clock

Princey was wearing the same scarf that I own, but luckily I had left it with the savages up north

the bus window's sexuality was androgynous

we got to the Star & Carnage at nine and were faced with a downpour, a locked door and an empty pub with no music on

we had banter like we were boozing in a library. Moz wore his newly purchased kaftan with the O(+> hanging out of the top to complete the look

I did an S and hadnt eaten all day so bought more snacks than life. I started with the Rolls Royce of nuts

then moved onto the Ford Mondeo of crisps

I also moved away from my normal look with the Sharpe jacket and onto the leather jacket bandwagon

it has epaulettes so I was happy

on the subject of fashion, bigman sported his Karl Kennedy band t-shirt for the world to see

Dr Karl turned up and had promised us 'a surprise'. We guessed that it could be (amongst others) one of the following:
- he was coming' out';
- he was wearing a new item of clothing;
- he was sporting his giant flares.

turns out the man was wearing his missus's knickers. the little deviant...

we all look delighted to be there

there were some goons at the pub's 'Smile' night that made me and moz look conservative

the booze didnt get any better. In fact it was probably as bad as the pints in The Old Monkey

jobber was choking back the delight in drinking his lager

dangerous

emo dangerous?

the hairiest man in medicine

I can't work out if the photo was taken to capture the rear or the bag

me and Moz were the only ones who had blue wristbands. the others all said that we were given those ones because of our butchness

turns out we were given the previous nights colour so it had nothing to do with gender non-specifics

white wristbands were for queers

for some reason moz made a drink out of dr pepper. it tasted like a war crime

disgruntled

princey attempted some nick schofield 'disgust' poses

and the 'emotion' pose

emotion mk 2

?

dr karl spotted some bird and announced that he 'quite liked the girl with the disabled face and broad shoulders' he then pointed her out to have a ponytail which he remarked was 'alluring'. Its a wonder the man has a bird with such insightful comments like that

after some double dark rum and carnage we hit the stairs and prowled theback of the dancefloor for a bit

I got raped by the fruity. Not literally, because it doesnt have sex organs or a forceful nature

I'm clearly lacking blogging match fitness seeing as I completely missed the dancefloor snaps. I'm gonna throw in a DC embellishment and say we all got our neck on with swedish models. Apart from karl who pursued the spaz women with fat backs.

I think dc suggested some curry carnage which everyone signed up for. Then as we headed into the gaff Moz did a turnaround and leapt into a taxi home

this is where we went

I got on the water bandwagon and ordered a chicken sizzler. jobber did the same I think. We were hoping for it to be like the Mogul but it was pretty dogdirt. You cant beat the best though

the rest went back home and I crashed at jobbers. His bro has got some mad punchbag slapbang in their lounge area

this was on the cards to watch but instead we plucked for....



O(+>..............

Like the His Purple Majesty I have some entries in the vaults that I will release when I get the urge to blog back again. And I have an Epicly Carnage Awards Ceremony and a few specials that will be winging its way on here in the coming weeks until I get the material (and motivation) to continue Epicly Carnage.

May U live 2 see the Dawn.......

(TO BE CONTINUED........)

"Same again please?"

On friday I drove to S's house. Outside was a fire engine. I thought him or bigmike had caused a chip-pan fire or something
turns out that it wasn't a fire, but was the transport for the welly road prom. Everyone knows that Limos are for queers

S brought snacks for the car journey to fallowfield. and karl rang up to pull out the nights proceedings
S took a picture of Altrincham's answer to the Eiffel Tower whilst I got my stuff together for the weekend
Team Changed Men

on arrival at jobbers, him and his bro were playing on the Wii. Bowling to be exact. We had a few goes on that, then headed out

before we went, we needed to work out where Club South was, because everytime we look for it, it takes us ages and then we give up and go to 42's instead.

me and S hadn't eaten much so we nipped into Sainsburys. S couldn't decide what to have, but eventually plucked for a wrap

I went for sushi rolls, but that was a huge mistake

sushi in a restaurant yes. Sushi on a bus no...

S mocked me for it

S is such a changed man that he treated jobber to a packet of premier league stickers. It was like 1995 all over again...

it was an excellent selection. Kieron Courtney Dyer...

Matty John Taylor

Adrianus "Arjan" de Zeeuw

Alan Ross Farley Stubbs

and last but not least...Emile Ivanhoe Heskey

eventually we got off the bus at St Peters square. But it was pissing it down and we had to trek to deansgate

there was no way I was allowing my locks to curl up like a little girl so I put my coat over my head. Like a little girl.

I had the last laugh because those two were drenched by the time we got to the Ape & Apple

we got involved in some quizzer carnage, but it was the shittest quiz machine in the world. It had games that would have been embarrassing on the old Spectrum

Club South. We got in early, and it was a fiver in.

I panicked at the bar and ordered warm cans of XXXX. It was erm, dreamy?

after a while we abandoned them and went onto our staple diet of vodka straight/water chasers

a 20 minute gap was decided between each shot. But the wheels soon fell off that idea

it started to fill up, and in the meantime S had an argument with his missus on the phone

ukraine

I screwed up my vodka shot

and had a bit of a stroke for a couple of minutes. there were many tears

S followed up a round after jobber, and said to the barmaid "same again please" however it was a completely different girl to the one who served jobber so he looked like a bit of a spazz

None of us really remember too much towards the end of the night. But I approached a bird on behalf of jobber who S insisted on him sleazing into. She turned out to be a bit nuts from what I can recall

taxi banter saw S unleash the theme tune to gummy bears on his mobile. To say it was a surprise would be an understatement. A bit like saying that S is loud

we went to Al-Bilal for some curry carnage

I was a bit mortal'd but managed to avoid passing out/throwing up. I'm a changed man don't forget

football legend Mark Bright was in town also. Al-Bilal was obviously too good for him though

I disappeared outside after finishing my curry and had a chat to r kid about our respective nights. Neither of can remember what was said, although it was a 10 minute long phonecall so I may have just pulled that expression for its duration

back to jobbers, and S smoothed things over with his missus

and I ate candy floss whilst watching my Prince DVD with jobber

THE END